Goat Simulator. That pretty much sums it up right there.
Goat Simulator is by far the most radically realistic simulation of goat life I have ever played, and I come to you saying that having played just about every single goat life simulation video game on the market. (To be fair, I must also mention that Goat Simulator is the only one, to the best of my knowledge.)
As you might imagine from the name, you play as a goat. You will run around the world. You will headbutt just about everything you come into contact with. You will lick things. You will discover that apparently goats have immensely strong tongues that stick to objects and can release them at will. With these selectively sticky tongues, you will pull heavy objects all over the world, flinging them around with goatish abandon.
The goal of Goat Simulator is to rack up the highest score possible, which you increase by unlocking achievements and causing as much mayhem and destruction as you can. The various stunts and achievements chain together along the lines of sports games like SSX or Tony Hawk, letting you amass huge scores for long chains of chaos.
Among the varied amusements in the world for you to discover are backyard barbeques, water slides, empty pools, construction sites, explosive gas stations, a house you can enter and trash, farmers’ fields, a goat-fighting ring… I could go on and on, but you’ll have more fun if you find out for yourself.
Except for one thing. There’s also the ritual circle of the Dark Goat. This secluded and hellish corner of the map allows you to sacrifice humans to attain immense personal power. Other areas let you become Queen of All Goats, and there are plenty of other surprises hidden about to be found.
In all seriousness, Goat Simulator is a lot of fun, but there are bugs as well. You’ll spend a lot of time flying through the air, tossed by cars and trucks, trampolines and turbines, and collisions don’t always work the way they should; it’s possible to glitch into a number of inconvenient locations that will force you to respawn, losing any special statuses you’ve accumulated. This can be frustrating, but the game manages to be ridiculously silly and fun in spite of it.
Goat Simulator is available on Steam for $9.99 USD for Windows only.