In the infamous words of Salt ‘n Pepa, Let’s Talk About Sex. Baby. With Robots. In the future.
There is a lot of talk about future sex lately, and most of it seems to center around the new topic of teledildonics. Yes, that is a word. And it refers to the remote operation of robotic sex toys between partners. So imagine that you’re on a business trip, and your significant other is back at home. You both strap on some sort of electro-mechanical-vibratory-pneumatic device, connect up to the Internet, and remotely stimulate one another from afar.
Sound fun? No. I don’t think so. It sounds like a lot of work, and a lot of lugging embarrassing sex equipment through screenings at the airport.
So basically, I’m not buying it. Literally or figuratively. There are already plenty of “old fashioned” sex toys on the market, and I’m betting they’re going to be the mainstay of augmented sex until they – and humans – are supplanted by fully functioning sex robots.
Yeah. You heard that right. And why not? Pleasure is part of the human experience, and if we’re building robots to make our lives better why ignore this area? You’ve got robots farming to make food that you want to eat. And robots build cars to drive you around. And they make just about every electronic or mechanical gadget you buy to entertain yourself. And we’re just a few years away from being able to afford enough compute power to nearly replicate the human brain in a sub-$1,000 system that could easily serve as a brain for an AI driven robot.
We’ve Almost Got All the Parts
If you’ve been on the Internet in the past decade, you’ve probably been bombarded by “real flesh” sex devices. If not, just check Amazon’s Sexual Health and Wellness section (WARNING – KID’S MOVE ALONG…). And we’ve all seen the Japanese sex doll stories – heck, they now sell them WHOLESALE! Plus, humanoid robots are popping up all over the place. Yamaha even just debuted one that can ride a real motorcycle!
It doesn’t take a genius to see that we’re only lacking a couple of things – computer power, and engineering. And those can be reduced down to one simple thing. Time.
YOU Are GOING To Have Robot Sex
I want you to imagine a future. Maybe 10 years out. Maybe 20. Doesn’t matter, it’s coming… where you have the ability to get your own fully customizable, intelligent, learning, functioning robot. It can look like anything! For example… Linda Carter! Or Hugh Jackman. Whatever. You get the point. And that robot has strength, dexterity, and capabilities that far, far exceed those of a human. While we’re at it, lets give it a full contingent of human like sex “organs”, and imagine it is programmed with every conceivable sex move known to mankind.
This robot could learn exactly what you like, and perform whatever actions are necessary to maximize sexual performance. And it could do it endlessly, and better than ANY human ever could.
Your robotic partner would never judge you, so basically any kind of sick, twisted fantasy could be played out in safety. And you wouldn’t need to feel any guilt or performance anxiety about being a good lover for your human partner. There would be no threat of pregnancy, or disease, and the robot could monitor your vitals to both improve response to your needs, and for safety! No more over-exertion or heart attacks during sex! And if you did, your Robot could give you CPR or defibrillate you, while also connecting to emergency services and calling in an ambulance.
Actually, Why Stop At Sex?
If you can just take the leap that one day you’re going to have robotic sex, then surely you can understand that machines are going to have as much or more mental capacity than humans in the near future. Meaning that we can teach them just like anyone else. And that means they can serve as complete companions!
Want to watch sports together? Your robot bro can enjoy football just as much as you do! It would see the game in all sorts of ways you don’t, and could share insights with you that you’d otherwise miss. ”
You know John, in 97.3% of previous field goal attempts on fields and in weather conditions like this, that kicker hits the mark!” To which I might reply, “Yeah, but he’s coming off a groin injury. And let me tell you… that can definitely affect things.”
And did I mention that before the game, my robot buddy cleaned the house, paid the bills, and cooked up all my favorite game day snacks – PERFECTLY! So there’s nothing left to argue about.
Come To Think About It, Why Do We Need Humans?
Seriously, I don’t think sex is going to be the problem. I think human reproduction is going to be the problem!
It will take about exactly one failed human relationship to convince people that they’re better off with their “perfect” artificial partner, than investing in humans that cheat, lie, change, and generally can’t stack up in any possible way with an artificial equivalent.
I’m not just talking about men preferring robots to women. Or women preferring robots to men. Even the maternal instinct could be bypassed if you don’t have to bring a child to term inside your body for 9 months and then pop it out and go through all that baby torture (how barbaric). You can just get a little AI baby that will love you and act like it’s your kid – though in reality, it would be fully connected to all of the knowledge of humanity, plus every other robot in the world, from the day it’s created.
Which is why we’re all going to die.
The Age of Chromo Sapiens
We might as well take this thing to its natural conclusion.
If you’ve got a robot that has as much computation power as a human brain. And you teach that robot everything a human knows, it has three very distinct advantages:
- After it learns everything, it can store all of that knowledge, and upload it to an infinite number of replicants. You can’t do that.
- When the next generation of compute capability is released, the robot can upgrade. How about 10 human brain equivalents of processing power? 100? 1,000?
- Robots can wirelessly connect and share everything they know or ever learn. Meaning ultimately there aren’t “robots”. There is only ROBOT!
I’m not saying that the robots are going to decide humans are worthless and want to kill us. I’m saying that humans are going to prefer robots to other humans, and threaten the extinction of our own species! The only thing left will be to develop a perfect human brain-to-machine interface that allows us to upload the entirety of our own consciousness into a machine that will allow us to individually achieve the same advantages they have over us.
So yes, at the end of the day. We are Borg.
Enjoy your Robot sex! While you still can…